Review (4) - Two Hearts In Two Weeks - Kat Pockyesh

Title: Two Hearts In Two Weeks
Author: Kat Pockyesh
Genie Reviewer: Scorpio

Story Title: 3/5

I wouldn’t like stories that gives away hints about the story plot. As for your title, I can tell that the plot is something about the main character winning the hearts of two guys in two weeks time. I would prefer story titles that does not give away much and instead keeps the reader interested in knowing what is going on in the story, i.e. how is the title linked to the story. For example, a story titled ‘Victory’ which means winning something, but does not say what does the characters win, and the readers would have to read the story to find out.

Appearance (Does it look eye catching): 9/10

I like your effort in placing a new picture for every chapter. Your background is awesome too, it could match with all the photos that you put. Keep it up. However in Chapter 6, your photo is slightly bigger than the rest and so it isn’t standardized, so keep your photos in suitable size that could be neat when placed in your story.

Forewords/Introduction: 9/10

Your forewords is fine, the summary is in paragraph mode and I like it that way as it looks neater instead of in point form which is not recommended. (You don’t see storybooks do point form, right?) However, you revealed the pairing of the story in the forewords and hence readers will know what to expect and your climax of the story isn’t really that exciting anymore.

Plot: 15/20

The story is interesting, however, it isn’t very realistic that a normal girl in school could get to know and date celebrities, right? And still, she could not even recognize them. As SHINee is a very popular band, you would be able to see many advertisements and posters especially in their home country, yet she still wasn’t able to realize that even after so long. Furthermore, how could a celebrity go to a normal high school, and go out peacefully without fans stalking them or following them everywhere?

Characterization: 10/10

As I am not into Korean pop, I am neutral about the characters you use. It is good that you give your original character a name because there are some authors that leave a blank there instead and it is messy and hard to read.

Creativity/Originality: 3/5

Your story is okay, but I have seen similar types of stories. The storyline is still original, so don’t worry about that.

Spelling/Vocabulary/Grammar/Punctuations: 8/10

Chapter 11: “I think it’s nice, too,” the comma is redundant, it should be “I think it’s nice too,” and “She though” should be “She thought”.

Grammar is fine, no errors as far as I checked.

Flow (Does it all go together): 10/10

Your flow of the story is fine so far, do keep it up. Don’t skip parts of the story where it is important for the plot, otherwise readers will get lost.

Writing Style: 13/15

Your writing style is good, but I took away the marks because I’ve actually seen better ones. But yours is already good enough, so its fine with me.

Overall Enjoyment: 5/5

Yes, I’ve enjoyed the story so far and I’m interested to read on. Do update it soon!

 

Total: 85/100

Review (3) - He's Back - ChaeYo

Title: He's back
Author: ChaeYo
Genie Reviewer: Scorpio

Story Title: 4/5

It’s a good story title, however I think it gives away a little bit of the story. The reader would be able to guess that the story involves someone coming back from somewhere or something like that. I would personally prefer story titles that does not give away much and instead keeps the reader interested in knowing what is going on in the story, i.e. how is the title linked to the story. For example, a story titled ‘Victory’ which means winning something, but does not say what does the characters win, and the readers would have to read the story to find out. But since yours did not give away much unlike many others, hence the score.

Appearance (Does it look eye catching): 8/10

Your poster is pretty nice, I like it. But your background is the same colour as the poster, and the poster is also in the background, which is kind of boring to me. I don’t expect colour contrast, I would prefer a background that is of another light colour and matches the poster colour, that would be fine.

Forewords/Introduction: 7/10

Your forewords is not too bad, however, I think it could be improved. I like it that you did not give away the characters’ personalities. You stated a few points on each of them briefly in point form, but I think you could have written them in a paragraph, I think it would look nicer that way. I personally do not like character introduction too, I would like forewords that gives a hint on what is coming up in the story and keeps the readers interested.

Plot: 18/20

I like your story as it had a twist near the end. In the beginning, I thought that the female lead will end up with her childhood friend, Howon. Instead, she ended up falling in love with his band mate, Sung Yeol, although her love for Howon had lasted 5 years, which wasn’t what I had expected. I hardly see these kind of stories nowadays that gives unexpected endings, so good job on that.

Characterization: 10/10

Its fine by me, I’m not really into Korean pop so I’m kind of neutral on the characters you use. Its good that you give the reader a name instead of leaving a blank like what some other authors do.

Creativity/Originality: 3/5

As mentioned above, I hardly find stories with twists, so originality is there. Although I like your story, I would say that it is not very realistic as normal people like you and I would be near impossible to be together with a celebrity. Our best friends aren’t celebrities either. And also, another typical love triangle that involves three people.

Spelling/Vocabulary/Grammar/Punctuations: 7/10

Chapter 1: ‘relay’ should be ‘rely’.

“You guess? You know what I think, I think you miss him” There is supposed to be a comma before you close the dialogue. “You guess? You know what I think, I think you miss him,” This isn’t the only one, you seem to be doing it for all except those with question marks and exclamation marks.

‘my words stuck in my throat’ its supposed to be ‘my words got stuck in my throat’.

Do remember to check your chapters for spelling errors before you post them.

Flow (Does it all go together): 10/10

The flow of the story is fine. Keep it up.

Writing Style: 14/15

Your writing style is good too, keep it up. I took away one mark because actually, I’ve seen better, but yours is already quite good, so its fine. I’m glad you didn’t write in script format because it turns me off.

Overall Enjoyment: 5/5

I really enjoyed this story, so thank you! Hope you could write more in the future! Keep up with the good work!

Total: 86/100

Review (2) - In My Heart - lianchen

Title: In My Heart
Author: lianchen
Genie Reviewer: walkingwithame


Story Title: 4/5
'In My Heart' I guess it's an okay title. But you should've used a more attracting
title. The title you have now basically screams out "I Love You In My Heart."

Appearance: 5/10
The colors in the background sort of blinds me. Yellow printing and black background doesn't really mix.
You should use black and White, that's usually how it works.

Forewords/Introduction: 5/10
Your forewords weren't very well orginized and the links to the character didn't work.
You could've started the forewords with -
The title.
It's Genre.
It's character.
& if wanted an author's note.
I had also deducted points from the forewords because you didn't label where the actual plot were
and to some people it's confusing to find where it is.

Plot: 19/20
I like it. I do but I took away one point because I felt as if many fanfics have the same plot.
Where, this boy likes this girl but she thinks he likes someone else and then there's another boy who likes her but then also
likes another girl so altogether they get into a big ball of drama because they can't decided on who to choose.
Overall the plot is okay :)

Characterization: 10/10
You did a great job giving a specific character their specific personality and you didn't
change their characterization over time. But the only problem I had with the characters were, I
didn't know who was who and often times a writer needs to be very careful of these things in order for their
fanfic to make sense.
I think your fanfic is about real life celebrity right? Well maybe it's only confusing to me because I'm not really
familiar with any Tawainese singers . Sorry D:

Creativity/Originality: 3/5
Good originality and nice creativity skills so far.
But I think you can do better than this. I took away two points because you wrote about a square-love between four people
and not only that you also included that James and Fretzie were bestfriends. There are many stories about best friends falling in love too.

Spelling/Vocabulary/Grammar/Punctuations: 8/10
“Afraid your parents see?”  In chapter three, maybe this is just a typo but you should've wrote, "Afraid your parents will see?"

"She of course wanted to date this handsome best friend.." I would put a comma between She and Ofcourse to make it look like, "She, of course, wanted to date this handsome best friend."

“No need. We ain’t going to a place that will require you to wear a formal dress, anyway." Nothing big here but 'Aint', to me, doesn't belong in that sentence. This statement should've been said in a more formal way, "No need. We're not going to a place that will require you to wear formal dress..."

"Don’t be always like this, James,” It doesn't make sense xD but by switching 'Always' and 'Be' ... it makes perfect sense :)

As far as Vocab, their the normal thing. Nothing too lazy yet agian it's not so hard that I have to use a dictionary for it. In other words, your vocab are great!
Spelling, some are off but I think it's because you are typing to fast? I do that all the time so I don't blame you.
Punctuations, commas are misplaced and at times you don't have the commas. You should start using them more because they explain a pause in a phrase and not only that
they can also explain a person, who is doing/related to something, like this.

Flow (Does it all go together): 10/10
the flow was good. I had no problem with it but for me it was a little weird for the
characters to start, going out in the middle of the story.
BUT I felt that akwardness because I just couldn't get use to the fact that they are best friends.

Writing Style: 13/15
I do like the way you write, I do. But somehow I think you could've done much better. Your sentence structures were short and simple.
There weren't much discription, but they didn't ruin anything.
And instead of going exactly to the point, you could've given me more thoughts or more feeling to what each character felt/thought during those times.

Overall Enjoyment: 4/5
It's a really cute story. I'd LOVE a bestfriend like this, I would LOVE one.
But again the concept made it confusing for me.
And the discription was something that 'bore' me a bit.
Use more discription. I PROMISE you'd get 10x more readers if you do.
Thanks for the request :) Good luck with your story !

Review (1) - Beauties&Beast - PokemonMaster

Title: Beauties&Beast

Author: PokemonMaster

Genie Reviewer: walkingwithame

Story Title: 3/5

"Beauties&Beast" I think it's a good title, yet again it doesn't explain much. And usually

one gets confused about the genre of this fic when seeing the title. If I see a title like this

I'd think it's actually a straight fanfic other than Yaoi or Yuri.

It doesn't really fit the story either, you could've named it, 'Silent Urges' or something that explains

about the guys wanting one another but they can't confess//confront it because of one reason or another.

Appearance (Does it look eye catching): 10/10

Yes it does. I LOVE LOVE LOVE the poster. It gives me this kind of stable yet sorrowful feeling if I look closely at the picture.

The background is black therefore your printing is in White, nice match.

Forewords/Introduction: 10/10

Your forewords were very straight forward and it's what a foreword suppose to do.

I like how you introduced every character and how their personalities are, I also

give you many props for taking your time and adding a prologue into the fanfic too. It gives the reader an open window for what will happen later on in the fanfic.

Plot: 20/20

Everything goes in and out of the story so well without any clogs. >In this I mean, it seems like you put a lot of thinking and effort into making this fanfic

less confusing and it works. I like the plot, how they (jaejoong and yunho) meets in the shop, and how taemin and minho have a thing for one another. Everything is just plain Sweet.

Characterization: 10/10

It's good that you stuck with your character's personality or else it would've been a mess!

Keep up the good work, dear!

Creativity/Originality: 5/5

Originality is good--I haven't read a fanfic about two separated lovers who actually ends up meeting again by fate.

Creativity--Wonderful, love the organization of how the pieces fit together.

Spelling/Vocabulary/Grammar/Punctuations: 9/10

Overall your vocabulary and grammar are great. I loved the descriptive words, it's what makes a

fanfic fun to read. Remember, the more description you put into your story the more it'll lure

your readers to read them.

Spelling mistakes were very few, like this one.

"I talk to him later" you forgot the 'll at the end of I'll but anyone with common sense should be able to tell what fits.

But you do use a lot of commas' in this fanfic, too much to be frank.

"The woman startled by the young man’s response, quickly tried to assure the man." For an example,

you place the (,) in between of 'response & quickly'. I think it sounds more appropriate if you said,

“The woman, startled by the young man's response, quickly tried to assure the man."

Sometimes you put in commas that doesn't need to be there.

“During all the yelling and panicking, laughs could be heard."

I don't think a comma belongs in the sentence but I DO understand what your trying to do :) I do.

“The aroma of spicy kimichi soup filling the air, and the sunlight seeping though the blinds of the windows"

Again, the comma shouldn't be there.

“Taemin smiled at his enchanting mother, who looked beautiful as ever"

Comma doesn't belong.

I didn't quite get this in chapter three.

“Minho giving death glares at Siwon, and tightly gripping onto Taemin’s fragile wrist.

Minho’s strong, yet protective charm sending vibes down Taemin’s spine. "

I wasn't sure if you were being descriptive or just describing what was happening. Very good description though but it'd be better

if I understood what was going on.

I think this is the only problem that you had, you put in many commas. A few is good, too many can get very annoying.

Now, I don't mean to be rude but when i said annoying I just hope you understand that I wasn't talking about your fanfic xD

I was talking about the commas.

As I read the chapters the comma's keep catching my eyes and I quickly began to wonder why you had placed it there and if

was proper for it to be there.

Flow (Does it all go together): 10/10

The flow is nice. Not too slow and not too fast.

Maybe it's because you do such a wonderful job adding details into everything you say xD

Writing Style: 14/15

One word, Five letters. Can you guess it?

G.R.E.A.T! I ADORE the way you write, I like the way you use BIG words. I even have to use a dictionary on some xD *Shh*

But I deduct one point because while reading chapters 3&4 I couldn't tell if Yunho's flashbacks were flashback because you didn't

state it. I think it'd help if you give your readers a heads up on your flashbacks or thoughts.

Overall Enjoyment: 5/5

I have to admit, I was very nervous to read this YAOI because it was my first time reading something like this.

But I am SO glad that my first time was good. I love this fanfic and I encourage you to continue it no matter how

many writer's block you have to be on.

I think my favorite chapter is 5 because of what Minho said to Taemin while they waited for their pizza reminded me of what my

ex-boyfriend said to me xD.

WHY DID YOU HAVE TO STOP WHEN IT WAS GETTING INTENSED!