Title: In My Heart
Author: lianchen
Genie Reviewer: walkingwithame
Story Title: 4/5
'In My Heart' I guess it's an okay title. But you should've used a more attracting
title. The title you have now basically screams out "I Love You In My Heart."
Appearance: 5/10
The colors in the background sort of blinds me. Yellow printing and black background doesn't really mix.
You should use black and White, that's usually how it works.
Forewords/Introduction: 5/10
Your forewords weren't very well orginized and the links to the character didn't work.
You could've started the forewords with -
The title.
It's Genre.
It's character.
& if wanted an author's note.
I had also deducted points from the forewords because you didn't label where the actual plot were
and to some people it's confusing to find where it is.
Plot: 19/20
I like it. I do but I took away one point because I felt as if many fanfics have the same plot.
Where, this boy likes this girl but she thinks he likes someone else and then there's another boy who likes her but then also
likes another girl so altogether they get into a big ball of drama because they can't decided on who to choose.
Overall the plot is okay :)
Characterization: 10/10
You did a great job giving a specific character their specific personality and you didn't
change their characterization over time. But the only problem I had with the characters were, I
didn't know who was who and often times a writer needs to be very careful of these things in order for their
fanfic to make sense.
I think your fanfic is about real life celebrity right? Well maybe it's only confusing to me because I'm not really
familiar with any Tawainese singers . Sorry D:
Creativity/Originality: 3/5
Good originality and nice creativity skills so far.
But I think you can do better than this. I took away two points because you wrote about a square-love between four people
and not only that you also included that James and Fretzie were bestfriends. There are many stories about best friends falling in love too.
Spelling/Vocabulary/Grammar/Punctuations: 8/10
“Afraid your parents see?” In chapter three, maybe this is just a typo but you should've wrote, "Afraid your parents will see?"
"She of course wanted to date this handsome best friend.." I would put a comma between She and Ofcourse to make it look like, "She, of course, wanted to date this handsome best friend."
“No need. We ain’t going to a place that will require you to wear a formal dress, anyway." Nothing big here but 'Aint', to me, doesn't belong in that sentence. This statement should've been said in a more formal way, "No need. We're not going to a place that will require you to wear formal dress..."
"Don’t be always like this, James,” It doesn't make sense xD but by switching 'Always' and 'Be' ... it makes perfect sense :)
As far as Vocab, their the normal thing. Nothing too lazy yet agian it's not so hard that I have to use a dictionary for it. In other words, your vocab are great!
Spelling, some are off but I think it's because you are typing to fast? I do that all the time so I don't blame you.
Punctuations, commas are misplaced and at times you don't have the commas. You should start using them more because they explain a pause in a phrase and not only that
they can also explain a person, who is doing/related to something, like this.
Flow (Does it all go together): 10/10
the flow was good. I had no problem with it but for me it was a little weird for the
characters to start, going out in the middle of the story.
BUT I felt that akwardness because I just couldn't get use to the fact that they are best friends.
Writing Style: 13/15
I do like the way you write, I do. But somehow I think you could've done much better. Your sentence structures were short and simple.
There weren't much discription, but they didn't ruin anything.
And instead of going exactly to the point, you could've given me more thoughts or more feeling to what each character felt/thought during those times.
Overall Enjoyment: 4/5
It's a really cute story. I'd LOVE a bestfriend like this, I would LOVE one.
But again the concept made it confusing for me.
And the discription was something that 'bore' me a bit.
Use more discription. I PROMISE you'd get 10x more readers if you do.
Thanks for the request :) Good luck with your story !
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