Your title gives away the main point of the story! By reading the title everyone could guess that the main plot of the story is about the main lead liking his older sister. You should write titles that could refer to a general idea, but readers would not know and not guess so easily about the story’s plot.
Appearance (Does it look eye catching): 7/10
The poster isn’t very professionally done, I realized. And posters often give impressions about the writing style in the story, that’s what I think. But its fine, just my preference, background is nice though. The colour of the background matches the poster, which is good.
Forewords/Introduction: 5/10
I don’t like character introduction. Its better to find out more about the characters through the story itself. I think if you do character introduction, it would give out more of the story than what is needed. Furthermore even if you did character introduction, you missed out Minho which is also one of the guys involved.
Plot: 14/20
To be honest, I think this story is a bit not realistic. Nowadays, as far as I know, siblings don’t fall in love with each other. Its something called ‘incest’. And I haven’t seen such cases happening. If only the brother likes his sister that way, why would the sister kiss him back on the lips too if she doesn’t like him? Its contradicting. Any normal girl would push her brother away at that instant and it is so obvious that he likes her, why couldn’t she guess? Even if this could happen in real life, the actions would be very different from how they are acting now.
Characterization: 8/10
I’m neutral with the characters you use as I am not into kpop. But with all 5 guys falling in love with one girl, its… weird. Well I don’t know how else to put it, but they like her all at the same time too. Too much of a coincidence isn’t it?
Creativity/Originality: 4/5
Like I said the story is not realistic, hence a point taken away. But I haven’t seen incest stories written online, hence I could give you credit for that. However next time, do plan your story properly beforehand.
Spelling/Vocabulary/Grammar/Punctuations: 5/10
In chapter 2,
‘He then suddenly thought baout of his noona’ About is spelt wrongly.
‘Taemin started becoming serious in his mind secretely’. Spelling for ‘secretely’ should be ‘secretly’.
‘Today, we'll be starting up with warm up excersice’. For one, exercise is spelt wrongly. Secondly, sentence structure is wrong. It should be ‘Today, we’ll be starting with the warm up exercises.’
‘Instead, he kick the ball to Hangeng’. It should be kicked, in past tense.
Just plainly in chapter 2, there are quite a few errors already. Do read through your chapters each time before you post them up.
Flow (Does it all go together): 8/10
The flow is fine, but I think the story goes too fast. There’s no build up of tension and suspense. Its just chapter 2 and Key has already confessed. There is no need to rush, place more details to lengthen your story.
Writing Style: 11/15
I’m glad that you didn’t write in script form, that’s good. I noticed you inserted point-of-views into the story sometimes and I dislike that too. You could have actually used inverted commas ‘ ’ and he thought to show that part of the story, it would be better. I took away the points also because I’ve seen better.
Overall Enjoyment: 3/5
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