Title: Beauties&Beast
Author: PokemonMaster
Genie Reviewer: walkingwithame
Story Title: 3/5
"Beauties&Beast" I think it's a good title, yet again it doesn't explain much. And usually
one gets confused about the genre of this fic when seeing the title. If I see a title like this
I'd think it's actually a straight fanfic other than Yaoi or Yuri.
It doesn't really fit the story either, you could've named it, 'Silent Urges' or something that explains
about the guys wanting one another but they can't confess//confront it because of one reason or another.
Appearance (Does it look eye catching): 10/10
Yes it does. I LOVE LOVE LOVE the poster. It gives me this kind of stable yet sorrowful feeling if I look closely at the picture.
The background is black therefore your printing is in White, nice match.
Forewords/Introduction: 10/10
Your forewords were very straight forward and it's what a foreword suppose to do.
I like how you introduced every character and how their personalities are, I also
give you many props for taking your time and adding a prologue into the fanfic too. It gives the reader an open window for what will happen later on in the fanfic.
Plot: 20/20
Everything goes in and out of the story so well without any clogs. >In this I mean, it seems like you put a lot of thinking and effort into making this fanfic
less confusing and it works. I like the plot, how they (jaejoong and yunho) meets in the shop, and how taemin and minho have a thing for one another. Everything is just plain Sweet.
Characterization: 10/10
It's good that you stuck with your character's personality or else it would've been a mess!
Keep up the good work, dear!
Creativity/Originality: 5/5
Originality is good--I haven't read a fanfic about two separated lovers who actually ends up meeting again by fate.
Creativity--Wonderful, love the organization of how the pieces fit together.
Spelling/Vocabulary/Grammar/Punctuations: 9/10
Overall your vocabulary and grammar are great. I loved the descriptive words, it's what makes a
fanfic fun to read. Remember, the more description you put into your story the more it'll lure
your readers to read them.
Spelling mistakes were very few, like this one.
"I talk to him later" you forgot the 'll at the end of I'll but anyone with common sense should be able to tell what fits.
But you do use a lot of commas' in this fanfic, too much to be frank.
"The woman startled by the young man’s response, quickly tried to assure the man." For an example,
you place the (,) in between of 'response & quickly'. I think it sounds more appropriate if you said,
“The woman, startled by the young man's response, quickly tried to assure the man."
Sometimes you put in commas that doesn't need to be there.
“During all the yelling and panicking, laughs could be heard."
I don't think a comma belongs in the sentence but I DO understand what your trying to do :) I do.
“The aroma of spicy kimichi soup filling the air, and the sunlight seeping though the blinds of the windows"
Again, the comma shouldn't be there.
“Taemin smiled at his enchanting mother, who looked beautiful as ever"
Comma doesn't belong.
I didn't quite get this in chapter three.
“Minho giving death glares at Siwon, and tightly gripping onto Taemin’s fragile wrist.
Minho’s strong, yet protective charm sending vibes down Taemin’s spine. "
I wasn't sure if you were being descriptive or just describing what was happening. Very good description though but it'd be better
if I understood what was going on.
I think this is the only problem that you had, you put in many commas. A few is good, too many can get very annoying.
Now, I don't mean to be rude but when i said annoying I just hope you understand that I wasn't talking about your fanfic xD
I was talking about the commas.
As I read the chapters the comma's keep catching my eyes and I quickly began to wonder why you had placed it there and if
was proper for it to be there.
Flow (Does it all go together): 10/10
The flow is nice. Not too slow and not too fast.
Maybe it's because you do such a wonderful job adding details into everything you say xD
Writing Style: 14/15
One word, Five letters. Can you guess it?
G.R.E.A.T! I ADORE the way you write, I like the way you use BIG words. I even have to use a dictionary on some xD *Shh*
But I deduct one point because while reading chapters 3&4 I couldn't tell if Yunho's flashbacks were flashback because you didn't
state it. I think it'd help if you give your readers a heads up on your flashbacks or thoughts.
Overall Enjoyment: 5/5
I have to admit, I was very nervous to read this YAOI because it was my first time reading something like this.
But I am SO glad that my first time was good. I love this fanfic and I encourage you to continue it no matter how
many writer's block you have to be on.
I think my favorite chapter is 5 because of what Minho said to Taemin while they waited for their pizza reminded me of what my
ex-boyfriend said to me xD.
WHY DID YOU HAVE TO STOP WHEN IT WAS GETTING INTENSED!
